Coming out of "hiding"....

I feel like I need to start this last posting in this manner:

I’m Missy Spangler and I’m disappointed about the NYC Marathon….. 

I almost hate to admit this…and I think I’ve spent the last month convincing myself it was what it was but really not dealing with how disappointed I was….  I’m really not someone who dwells upon things to the point it alters their life…I’d rather just find something else to consume myself in and move along.  However….I’ve found myself making every excuse in the world to avoid days of running….I know it sounds ridiculous and maybe I need to sit down on the couch and have an in-depth conversation with a therapist such as in “Good Will Hunting”….   I know myself well enough to know I’m just being stupid or stubborn (usually they tend to go hand in hand)…..  BUT I find myself disappointed every time I REALLY think about it….I think what the problem truly is….I feel like I disappointed everyone I made a promise to.  No, nobody has said anything remotely like that….I just feel like I spent almost an entire year making a promise of running the marathon….promising….raising money….and everything all to feel like I didn’t uphold my “REAL” promise. 

Now before a critic gets a hold of my “words”, this has nothing to do with the damage caused by Hurricane Sandy and me not being sympathetic about the situation and decision to cancel the marathon.  This is me feeling like I cheated a promise that motivated me to run 3-31/2 hours on a given day telling myself I was running the marathon to honor my dad. 

I find myself getting more and more frustrated with myself with each passing day that sneaks by I don’t put on my running shoes and get back to it full force.  A little while after the marathon I got sick and wasn’t allowed to run for awhile because it was making it worse…and then I just kinda “fell off my wagon” as best as I can put it…..and truthfully it’s not really who I am.  I’ve been timid as to making another goal to shoot for and I think it’s because I’m still disappointed in some realm that I let my last goal down.  The more I recap telling the stories to others who ask as to how great our experience still ended up being in New York the more I kick myself to get home in time to run and then I get to working on something else or pulled in another direction and it’s another “after dark” arrival at home and I need to find a solution to the problem. 

I pulled myself together today to inquire about a few other races I want to set a goal for and get myself going to keep on doing this.   I’ve still got NYC Marathon 2013 (TAKE 2 of course) pending as well as maybe a hopeful adventure to CA to run a race with some fellow Team Foxers we met in NYC.   I also promise to set it prior to any “New Year’s Resolutions” because I feel if you truly want to do something you don’t need a resolution to do it…you’ll either stick to it or not….but if it makes you feel better….I’ll welcome you to join Team Spangler for your New Year’s Resolution J

This is why we do this......Believing in a better tomorrow through Team Fox....

I’ve been in touch with Team Fox and once 2013 arrives we will be able to designate a “Team Spangler” actual Team under Team Fox and have you join to be a part of it if you wish J  I’ll work on spreading some motivation your way and we can look forward to doing things as a group if we’d like J  Show them how powerful we can be!  I am going to limit how thin I spread myself this year with everything and want to focus on what’s really in my heart…..and that being this Team Fox family who has given us so much this past year.

I feel like a lot has happened since I last blogged…which is another thing….I think I kept wanting to hide from being vocal about my current state of dwelling on this and pulling myself together J 

The tragedy that has American’s hearts broken all across the US still tugs at me.  I mean, how do you describe what has happened?...where do we go from here?  I was raised within a family of teachers…and I don’t just mean a few….literally surrounded by teachers J  From my mom and my dad, to my grandma, to my aunts and uncles….no matter which school I was at…I had a family member there.   To think how much of their lives they put into making a better life for the children, I’m devastated to think of that being at risk.  My dad has touched so many people’s lives being the educator and coach he is, and I always hear people speak of my mom and the differences/memories she made in their lives being their 3^rd grade teacher.  Teachers teach for the love of children, not for the salary….otherwise if you broke down the extra hours and everything they do they probably make about 10 cents on the hour.  Being a teacher is almost a version of a small town celebrity….I laugh when I meet a little kid and I say “Well Mrs. Spangler is my mom”….you would think she must be a movie star in their favorite movie….SHE’S YOUR MOM…..oh how cool!  Sometimes I take for granted…thinking ummmm yeah…she’s my mom J.    To know the passion a teacher has for children’s lives….my heart was empty given this tragedy and the familes who have to deal with such a devastating moment, I don’t even personally know any of the victims and to know how much  this tears at me……I can’t even imagine.  Also, say an extra prayer for all the first responders, what close friends I have that have been in that situation I know how hard it is for them to not personally be devastated, this is one of the worst to have to respond to….that is their worst nightmare as well….and I hope this brings this country a little closer together right now….we sure need it….and hope for a better tomorrow. 

On a happier note….for any of those who know me know….this is my FAVORITE time of the year….so I better sign off to finish up my list of to do’s that as always I’m behind on…..and we have basketball practice this evening J  …Yes….I’m coaching elementary school age basketball again this year so Blue Thunder is on the move again! J

Smokes Wishes you a Merry Christmas :)